Never Take a Friend for Granted

I have the best friends in the world.  I mean, the BEST!  The kind with whom you can pick up the conversation without a pause after not talking for a month or a year.  Yes, those kinds of friends.

The challenge we face is that we’re not all in the same place.  Being scattered across geographies, across time zones, and across lifestyles sometimes makes it harder to connect.  We must invest in our friendships to make them work.

This isn’t always the case in the rest of the world.  Have you ever had friends at work, people you then separate from through job changes or other circumstances?  You all pledge to keep in touch, set up regular meet-ups or calls, and share.  As time goes on, though, your calls are fewer.  Excuses replace face time.  Soon, you drift apart.

Been there, done that.  I thought we were close – only to learn that once we no longer had the common ground of the (charming, challenging, disturbing) workplace to unite us, we had little else to talk about.

Then there are the other folks, the ones who you only grow closer to when the initial reason for being in daily contact fades in relevance.  They help you out.  You help them.  You miss each other if you don’t have regular interactions.

I’ll fully admit that sometimes I’ve been on the taking end rather than giving.  When my best friend fought cancer a couple of years ago, all my energy went into supporting her and her husband.  I didn’t have bandwidth left to be a good friend to others.

Or when I was in the depths of book writing or production, facing hurdles and dismay and disappointment.  I couldn’t hear the successes of my writer buddies, much less their problems.  Ditto during family or professional crises.

BUT… they all stuck with me.  In 2017, I realized I had unintentionally isolated myself from the people who meant the most in my tribe.  Some I met through other friends, or through writers’ groups, or through work or volunteering.  They come from every walk of life.  They only share two things – my love for them, and their total awesomeness!

I made a promise to myself to get back in touch.  I began slow, putting an item on my task list to contact one a month, then one every two weeks, and finally, now, at least once a week.  It’s turned into so much more.

I invest in this circle of support and love.  I, who hate alarm clocks, set my alarm early to talk with friends as they commute to their day jobs.  I make phone dates for no reason other than to talk.  I set walking dates with those who live in my town.  I support – and I get so much love in return!

My message is simple.  Don’t take your friends for granted.  When I needed to be one under the most difficult of conditions, I found that I could because the understanding of the others lifted me up.  Some days, you’re the basket of the hot air balloon, and sometimes, you need to find the anchor.

Pick up the phone, tap a text, or type an email.  Reach out, hang on, and give back.  Most of all, tell your friends you care!

How do you stay in touch with your friends, particularly the ones where contact isn’t easy?  Please share!